Cold and Placid
Before you read this understand something.
I am not depressed, mad, or hurt. These are facts of statement.
Lately this phrase or statement has been repeating itself in my life.
“You should be more social. Try to talk to more people.” The idea being that I should open up. Be more relaxed. And maybe, just maybe I will find HER
While I will not say the idea does not hold water, its not so easy. I have endevoured to explain this to several friends. I dont know if they are not listening or they simply cannot grasp the concept.
I spend a lot of time alone. I go to work and sit in my office and no one disturbes me. At 445 everyone leaves and I stay behind until 6 or 7 and close.
I drive home and make or purchase something for dinner. Afterwards I entertain myself with whatever is handy. I workout, shower and go to bed, without saying a word to anyone between 5pm and midnight.
The next day we start again. Except for days I get invited somewhere this doesnt change.
All of this brings a certain blankness to a person. It is not common for me to ‘start talking’ to anyone. The issue is not that I dont want to. I just dont. I do not have much meaningful contact with people. I say, hi and bye, and talk about everyday things with people.
But I never have real conversations about anything that I care about.
And the longer it is before I find that one I can talk to. The more I become what I should not. cold and placid.
