Neurotic Screams

Well, the birthday is done. It turned out better than I thought.
There was a gift for me waiting at home. A movie. And if you didnt know by now. I am all about the dvd collection.
I spent time talking to several friends and I THINK we are the better for it.
The people that are not local know I would have preferred to spend the day with them. They sent me warm wishes and I appreciated that. Mother and sister called and left me phone messages. Mom even sang for me.
I did not do much for the night, except drive home slowly after dropping off a friend.
So there was not much of an event to the evening. But the thoughts and wishes were nice.
Driving home I had time to think alot.

I finally understand something.
I, like far too many people base alot of who I am on how someone responds to me. If I ‘liked/cared about’ someone and they didnt show the same thing, Well, I must be an awful person because they did not reciprocate.
NOT.
I am starting to realize that this is not true. My feelings of personal self worth have nothing to do with what someone sees me as or what they may or may not say to me. Just because someone dont feel the same way, or show the same regard for me does not indicate a problem with me. I am not a bad person. I am not ugly and terrible. It just means I feel differently than they do.
Conversely, what someone says about me is not going to change me. I will still be walking and breathing the next day. I may not like to be around that person, but I will not vanish because of a dissenting opinion of me.

Sad that it took me all this time to come to this. But I am here. Now, all I have to do is live it everyday.