Something In My Head
There is something I wanted to say. somethings I really want to let out. I have never said it out loud. I doubt many people will see it here.
Im very tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of holding on.
Tired of trying to believe.
I try to be a good man and I make the best attempt at the right thing.
But Im tired
I try everyday to be positive and not get down. No one likes a Gloomy Gus. I know that. Put a positive spin to it all. "well, atleast I still got my Kung Fu and beer" I say.
But its not enough.
I got married cause I thought she cared. And she did, but we are terrible together. selfish, greedy, and lazy. So she left. And it was just me.
People tell me, Get Out more, or dont worry about it, it will happen.
I do get out. Thats why I have so many names in my phone. I make friends. And the only thing that ever happens is I make one more friend. I help them when I can and listen as friend should. But thats all I ever am. Just friends.
I listen to my friends and wonder sometimes.
Whats that like?
To have someone that actually wanted you to touch them?
I dont think I will ever know.
I joined 17 singles clubs. sure, I made friends. Sometimes.
But thats all. Just friends.
I took courses in socializing. Classes in being personable. Changed my look. Changed my wardrobe. Went to a hoodoo man and danced naked with a chicken. Friends flocked in by the dozens. Just friends.
So, back to the drawing board. Change my look again. Take more social classes. Spend a year with a Buhdist monk. Read and learned the Dao. Learn from other peoples mistakes. Show that I care. Reach out.
Made more friends. Just friends.
"try just being yourself". I do and I am. I dont lie about who I am. it was too hard to find me.
Having friends is great. But friends dont lean in close and tell you that they need you. Friends dont hold onto you cause they want to feel you.
"Dont worry about it, it will happen", they say. "Shes outthere".
Gods, Im so sick of hearing that. Its like someone spitting on you.
It makes what how you feel so trivial and small.
But I hang on and wait. And everyday I get a little more tired and a little more dead. And whats left of me fades away. Until all you got left is a smiling meat-puppet.
Everyone tells me Im a great guy. Im fun and funny. People love having me as a friend.
But what they cant tell me.
whats wrong with me and why dont women want me?
|| Relationships|
Im very tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of holding on.
Tired of trying to believe.
I try to be a good man and I make the best attempt at the right thing.
But Im tired
I try everyday to be positive and not get down. No one likes a Gloomy Gus. I know that. Put a positive spin to it all. "well, atleast I still got my Kung Fu and beer" I say.
But its not enough.
I got married cause I thought she cared. And she did, but we are terrible together. selfish, greedy, and lazy. So she left. And it was just me.
People tell me, Get Out more, or dont worry about it, it will happen.
I do get out. Thats why I have so many names in my phone. I make friends. And the only thing that ever happens is I make one more friend. I help them when I can and listen as friend should. But thats all I ever am. Just friends.
I listen to my friends and wonder sometimes.
Whats that like?
To have someone that actually wanted you to touch them?
I dont think I will ever know.
I joined 17 singles clubs. sure, I made friends. Sometimes.
But thats all. Just friends.
I took courses in socializing. Classes in being personable. Changed my look. Changed my wardrobe. Went to a hoodoo man and danced naked with a chicken. Friends flocked in by the dozens. Just friends.
So, back to the drawing board. Change my look again. Take more social classes. Spend a year with a Buhdist monk. Read and learned the Dao. Learn from other peoples mistakes. Show that I care. Reach out.
Made more friends. Just friends.
"try just being yourself". I do and I am. I dont lie about who I am. it was too hard to find me.
Having friends is great. But friends dont lean in close and tell you that they need you. Friends dont hold onto you cause they want to feel you.
"Dont worry about it, it will happen", they say. "Shes outthere".
Gods, Im so sick of hearing that. Its like someone spitting on you.
It makes what how you feel so trivial and small.
But I hang on and wait. And everyday I get a little more tired and a little more dead. And whats left of me fades away. Until all you got left is a smiling meat-puppet.
Everyone tells me Im a great guy. Im fun and funny. People love having me as a friend.
But what they cant tell me.
whats wrong with me and why dont women want me?
